Wonderin Why We Bother with Love

High school realationships. Enough said. You let down your guard and get your hopes up so high until you feel like you can dance around on clouds. You're up there, floating around without a care in the world... Then you realize that it's a cloud. And you can't actually stand on it. Let's be honest, it hurts like hell to hit the ground. The thing is, based off of all of my past experiences, it seems that the fall is almost inevitable. From what I've experienced, nothing is ever completely right. I've been with guys before and I've been happy with them, but it seems like there's always something missing. Truth is, even though it's high school and that's supposed to happen, sometimes I wish I could find someone that I felt totally comfortable with that simply made me happy and that I make just as happy. What often seems to happen is that I'll become friends with a guy and end up starting to fall for him a little, but by that time, the "just friends" status has already been established. So frustrating, right? Really, I wish I could be like one of those girls in the movies or novels who's always so cool and independent who never wants a boyfriend or really just doesn't care; sometimes I do feel like that. But at the end of the day, it might be nice to have a hand to hold.

I know I'm such a typical teenaged girl for loving Taylor Swift, but let's be honest, she does have a song for every situation. This music video is like the definition what would happen in a perfect world, if only that existed... http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?xl=xl_blazer&v=XPBwXKgDTdE

Pretending

So lately, I've been doing a lot less talking and a lot more listening. And thinking. I've noticed something that I kind of overlooked before: People try so hard to hide their thoughts. It seems like so many people try so hard to fit into an "image" that they don't even express their actual feelings or thoughts anymore. I realized I was falling into this pattern, too; I intentionally hide certain things so that people don't think differently of me. It's like once the world has its ideas of who you are and how you should act, we have to behave in that exact way all the time, or else people start wondering what's going on. It's so stupid; is there no such thing as individuality anmore? I find myself keeping certain things to myself and purposely giving off the image everybody wants to see. I'm tired of doing this. No one gains anything from doing this; pretending to be happy or pretending to be someone you're not is just a defense mechanism. I guess people are afraid of what people would think and what they would learn about themselves if they just let down their guards, let down their walls, and just lived to make himself or herself happy. Personally, I want to be done pretending.

Walls

There's a wall around her heart
That's growing taller every day,
And once she starts to let it down
Everybody walks away.
Nobody ever sees her,
Nobody really cares.
The ones she love around her
See what they want to think is there.

She’s breaking down,
And she may have finally reached the ground.

Can't really get much lower,
But no one's there to help her up.
A silhouette of hope
Holds her hand, but then gives up.
So she closes her eyes and sheds her skin,
And she slips into her mask.
She becomes the girl they want to see
Keeping all her true thoughts back.
And now they're reaching out to her;
Everything is right again.
A happy face is a happy place
Since they can't see the pain within.
She’s exactly who they want her to be,
A fake, a fraud, a liar,
As this wall around her heart
Builds itself up higher and higher.